


Plucked Skylark

by damedanbo



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Battle, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Gen, Love Confessions, M/M, Nudity, Public Nudity, excessive nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 14:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12038217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damedanbo/pseuds/damedanbo
Summary: Mukuro wants attention, but for once, Hibari isn't interested in fighting. Crackfic.





	Plucked Skylark

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write something tonight so I pulled up the dialogue generator and pumped out some crackfic. 
> 
> Don't, uh... don't think too hard on this.

Another normal day in Namimori. Summer vacation had just begun, and the school was nearly empty. Only club members and prefects remained, going about their business as usual. The grounds were mostly silent, aside from the echoing sound of the brass band practicing, and of the various sports teams playing.

Hibari Kyouya sat at his desk, trying not to become aggravated. His office at the school was a sort of sanctum for him, a home away from home. It was not there for other people to intrude upon. The students of Namimori-chuu knew this, and they avoided his office as if it leaked poisonous gas. 

Those students were smart. They had common sense.

Rokudo Mukuro had none.

“Kyouya,” Mukuro called from over on the couch where he’d invited himself to lounge, “I’m terribly lonely.”

Hibari firmly reminded himself that he didn’t care, that he had better things to do, and refocused on his paperwork. There was a lot of it. Mukuro pouted at him, rolling over onto his stomach and putting his chin in his hands.

“Kyou-chan~”

“What.”

“Play with me.”

“Absolutely not.”

Mukuro huffed. Kyouya  _ always  _ wanted to play. His desire to fight was insatiable. Never before had he failed to provoke the skylark.

“Kyouya,” he called, standing and running a hand through his lotus hair.

“Kyouya,” he whined, crouching in front of the desk and peering sadly up at the other boy.

“Kyoooouyaaaa,” he sang, shoving everything off the desk and laying himself upon it.

Hibari’s pencil snapped in half. He looked up, eyes narrowed, vein in his forehead twitching, and stood abruptly. Mukuro gasped in glee.

“You’re ready to fight me! I’m so happy!” Mukuro sat up. Hibari grabbed him by the collar and yanked him off the desk, dragging him towards the door. “Kyouya-”

Hibari slammed the door in his face and returned to his station, picking up the remnants of his paperwork. Mukuro immediately reappeared in the room and made himself comfortable in Hibari’s chair.

“Move.”

“Sit!” Mukuro patted his lap invitingly. Hibari scowled at him, walking over to the couch instead. Mukuro huffed.

“You’re making this all very boring,” Mukuro sighed, propping his elbows against the desk and leaning his chin into his hands again. Hibari didn’t answer. “I know what would make this more interesting. Say one of us got naked-”

“Don’t.”

“Ah, I see I have your attention.”

“I’ll really bite you to death, Rokudo.”

“Do you promise?” Mukuro asked huskily, appearing before him in the nude. He struck a pose, lap tastefully censored by an array of beautiful lotus flowers. A glow seemed to emanate from his naked body. He approached the couch and plopped down next to Hibari, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Don’t keep me waiting, lover.”

“The way you flirt is shameful,” Hibari chastised him, holding his paperwork in front of his face to avoid looking at the illusionist. The tip of Mukuro’s trident tore the stack of papers down the center, leaving him holding either half. Mukuro smirked at him, the tip of his tongue sticking out in a little  _ blep _ .

Hibari threw the ruined papers to the ground, standing up and looming over Mukuro. The latter looked positively delighted to have gotten a reaction out of him. “Are you going to punish me, Kyou-chan,” he asked, turning his head and cupping his cheek in his hand. “Will there be spankings involved?”

Hibari’s hand slid into his pocket and came back out with a pair of handcuffs. “Ooh, Alaude’s Handcuffs? Good choice,” Mukuro purred. “Are you going to chain me up and have your way with me? I won’t complain.” He held his hand out and let Hibari slap the cuff on his left wrist. 

Hibari yanked him to his feet and the other cuff snapped shut around Mukuro’s right wrist. Mukuro winked at him. “Ravage me, lover.”

He had expected Hibari to join in and have some fun, and was a little taken aback when the handcuffs suddenly began to propagate. “Ah, Kyouya,” Mukuro called to Hibari, who had returned to his desk, “I think you made a mistake?”

“Nope,” Hibari said, watching with some amusement as the handcuffs began to swallow up Mukuro’s whole body. The illusionist squirmed, trying to free himself.

“Don’t fight it. You’ll only make it worse,” Hibari warned.

“This isn’t fun anymore.”

“It never really was,” Hibari said, smiling sadly at him.

In time, Mukuro had disappeared into the metal rings. He could be heard faintly begging for mercy and gasping for air as Hibari slung him over his shoulder and left the office.

Hibari headed down the stairs and out of the building, towards the field. He dropped Mukuro in the dirt and stopped his assault on the illusionist, letting the handcuffs slowly disappear.

Mukuro came to as Hibari was handcuffing him to a support pole. He scoffed. “You realize my current state is an illusion, don’t you dear?” he laughed.

“Take your punishment, masochist.” 

“This would all be over with if you’d just give in and fight me.”

“You’re hardly in a position to be giving orders,” Hibari said, smirking. He leaned against the pole opposite Mukuro’s, watching him. Mukuro scowled, clothes reappearing on his body under a thick mist.

“You’re no fun, you know,” Mukuro complained.

“Then stop trying to court me.”  _ Court? How very old-fashioned of you, Kyouya. _

“Ah, but therein lies the true fun. Seeing Kyou-chan flustered and upset.”

“You would make a terrible partner.”

“Wouldn’t we both? That’s what makes us so good as a pair!” Mukuro beamed at him. “Let me go, lover?”

“Absolutely not.” Hibari turned, leaving the scene. The lotus-head called after him nervously.

“Ah, Kyouya, you’re coming back soon?”

“Right?”

“Right?!”

 

Night had fallen by the time Hibari returned to retrieve his handcuffs. Mukuro sat slumped over in the dark, hands behind his back.

“Wao. You really haven’t escaped yet,” Hibari said, kicking Mukuro’s shoe. He crouched in front of him, reaching around for the illusionist’s hands. Mukuro unexpectedly lifted his arms and pulled Hibari down into a kiss; the prefect shoved him off, only for Mukuro to disappear completely.

“Honestly, Kyouya… leaving your boyfriend chained up all night in the dark… You wouldn’t even treat a dog that badly.” The real Mukuro stepped up behind him, swinging the handcuffs around his index finger. “Now, how to punish you…”

“You can’t use those against me,” Hibari said, rolling his eyes. “It won’t work.”

“Of course not, dearheart,” Mukuro said, tossing the handcuffs back to Hibari. “Besides, I have something much better planned for us.”

“Don’t you dare-”

“Tah-dah!” Mukuro threw his arms out wide, embracing their newfound nudity. “Isn’t this great?”

“Give me back my clothes,” Hibari warned, drawing his tonfa and gripping the handles tightly. Sakura petals covered his groin, protecting him from anyone who might be watching. Out of season for this time of year, but he wasn’t going to complain about the modest touch.

“And waste this perfect bonding opportunity?”

“I don’t care to bond with you like this.”

“Don’t be ashamed of your body, Kyou-chan! Come, chase me!”

“I’m going to bite you,” Hibari snarled, taking off after him.

“Just what I always wanted!” Mukuro’s trident appeared in his hand and he turned, meeting Kyouya halfway. They clashed, steel on steel on skin, bruising each other’s bodies under the light of the moon. Flower petals and glitter danced around them, flashing even in the darkness.

 

“This is incredibly stupid,” Tsuna sighed from his vantage point by the school gate. “Should I stop them?”

“Don’t be daft, Tsuna. Your guardians are getting along well.” Reborn stood on his shoulder, watching the fight through a pair of miniature binoculars. 

“They’re naked.”

“We’re all born naked. We might as well die naked too.”

“So I’m supposed to let them kill each other?!” Reborn didn’t answer, returning his attention to the fight.

 

Mukuro and Hibari broke apart, their chests heaving. “I daresay you’re a better fighter without any clothes on,” Mukuro teased.

“You’re worse,” Hibari snapped back.

“Oh, don’t be cross with me. It’s a lovely evening. We should enjoy it together.”

“I’m not enjoying anything with you.”

“Well, I won’t threaten you with a good time!” 

They danced again, circling each other on the school field. Hibari darted in, Mukuro leapt away, leaving lotus buds and petals in his wake. It was just like any of their other fights, plus gratuitous nudity.

“You two can stop it now!” Tsunayoshi called, jogging across the field and shielding his eyes. Hibari turned, and Mukuro took the opportunity to stab him in the arm. The Cloud guardian grit his teeth and spun around, decking the illusionist in the face.

“How nice of you to join us, Tsunayoshi-kun,” Mukuro purred. “Care to take off your clothes? It’s such fun.”

“No,” Tsuna said firmly. 

“It sounds like a good bonding experience,” Reborn butted in, clinging to Tsuna’s head. “I say you do it.”

“Invite all of your guardians!” Mukuro cried. “I’ll take off all their clothes too!”

“Why are you like this,” Tsunayoshi groaned.

Mukuro’s face darkened. His tone took on a more serious edge. “Because in this world, where the concept of dirty jokes doesn’t even exist… Where people know nothing about sex… We must teach each other-”

“That’s a different anime,” Reborn said, cutting him off. “Be more serious.”

“Right,” Mukuro said, nodding resolutely. “You see… Kyou-chan was ignoring me all day today. I was so lonely… I had to find some way to get his attention.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies?” Hibari spat at him, tending to his wound.

“Darling, you’re my hobby.” Mukuro blew him a kiss.

“Couldn’t you have pestered somebody else?” Tsuna asked. “Why did it have to be Hibari-san?”

“I love him,” Mukuro declared. Hibari lifted his head, looking back at the lotus-head. “I’ve always had a thing for you, Kyouya. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but every time, you push me away.”

“It’s called being turned down,” Tsuna muttered to Reborn.

“Kyou-chan… Do you think… Could you and I become one?” Mukuro cried, fingers splayed dramatically over his heart.  There was a pause. Sakura petals drifted by in the dark, coming seemingly out of nowhere.

Hibari turned and slugged him in the face again.

“It looks like your guardians are incapable of bonding after all, Tsuna,” Reborn said, smiling as he watched Hibari beat Mukuro’s face to a pulp.

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t force them to get along.”

“What do I care?” Reborn asked, lighting up a miniature scale cigarette. “I’ve been dead inside for years. Just replace them and move on.”

“Oh,” Tsuna said, “I guess that is an option.”

 

By the next day, he had hired two replacement guardians and fired the two of them. Hibari and Mukuro stood side by side, reading their letters of termination.

“Ah,” Mukuro sighed, “I can’t help but feel like this might be my fault, somehow.”

Hibari’s right eye twitched.


End file.
